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Although beautiful, most weddings are expensive, particularly if the bride and groom have an extended family and long list of friends. When planning a wedding, keep in mind that a number "rules" have been developed to serve as guidelines. These, of course, are not set in stone.

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Today, in addition to the traditional wedding where the bride's family pays the majority of costs, we also see weddings in which the bride and groom pay for everything. Therefore, understanding the appropriate etiquette for a wedding budget can be confusing. In helping you plan your upcoming wedding, we wanted to provide information specific to a more traditional wedding, specific as to who pays for what.

Bride and Bride's Family

(1) Catering, dinnerware rental, table rental

(2) Wedding program, invitation, printed napkin

(3) Music, to include church organist/pianist, live band, or DJ

(4) Reception hall and/or church rental

(5) Wedding photography and videography

(6) Wedding cake and wedding favors

(7) Decorations for church and reception hall

(8) Bride's dress

(9) Groom's wedding ring

(10) Gifts for bridesmaids

Groom and Groom's Family

(1) Rehearsal dinner

(2) Clergyman fee

(3) Limousine rental fee

(4) Honeymoon

(5) Wine, liquor, and beer for the reception

(6) Groom's suit or tuxedo

(7) Marriage license

(8) Bride's bouquet

(9) Boutonnieres for groom, groomsmen, ushers

(10) Corsages for bridesmaids and mothers of both bride and groom

(11) Gifts for groomsmen, ushers, best man

(12) Bride's wedding ring

(13) Accessories (ties, gloves, etc)

Best Man and Groomsmen

(1) Individual wedding suit or tuxedo

(2) Bachelor party

Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids

(1) Individual formal wear

(2) Bachelorette party

(3) Bridal shower

Remember, the above mentioned are considered proper etiquette for a traditional wedding but you should never be afraid to modify them, as fits your circumstances. With this information, you have a better sense of how to manage the budget without feeling bad about asking for assistance where required.

The goal with any wedding is to create a festive, fun, and memorable occasion. Therefore, while you can follow budget etiquette, the bride and groom's family should be flexible, willing to help when and where needed. For any couple, the goal to a successful wedding would be to start with careful planning, paying close attention to both small and large details.

One of the most uncomfortable aspects of a wedding is money. Keep in mind that some situations may be that, one side of the family is in a better financial position to assist than the other side. For the bride and groom, it is important to be realistic about the number of invited guests. As an example, the normal rules of etiquette for a wedding budget would be built around 150 to 200 guests. For this reason, when the guest list is greater, the bride and groom should be willing to help financially.

In summary, the bottom line is that wedding budget etiquette for any nuptials is not difficult but it does require some degree of flexibility. Establish a budget from the beginning, which will help the family work on a budget, as well. The result will be that everyone is on the same page about what to expect so the focus can be solely on the union of the bride and groom, ensuring the event is amazing and nothing less, regardless of the budget.

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Meal times were special occasions in the Victorian homes and eating started with making sure that you were properly dressed for the event. While you could dress down slightly for meals at home, any outside dining event that took place after 6PM was automatically a formal occasion. Ladies were expected to wear low-necked gowns with short sleeves and gloves. Married woman opted for satin or silk while the unattached arrived in muslins or chiffon. Men always wore dark broadcloth and "fine linen."

Male guests were each assigned a female guest to escort into the dining room. The host always escorted the highest ranking lady, a newcomer to the area, a new bride, or the wife of a distinguished guest. The hostess was escorted by her husband's business partner or best friend.

Banquet Halls

The formal Victorian dinning room might be called a banquet hall today. It was usually quite large and lavishly over furnished as was the custom of that time.

There were extensive decorations including massive decorative furniture pieces, stuffed birds in cages, ceramic and china figurines, potted plants and a huge mirror among other items. The centre of attention was always the finely set table of abundance in the middle of the room.

Perhaps the term "finely set" is an understatement. The goal of the hostess was to display every piece of fine china, stemware and silver she owned, so it wasn't uncommon to find 24 piece place settings including up to eight different forks each with their own special purpose. Add to that an additional 8 knives, game shears, 7 pieces of stemware for water, wine, sherry and more, a dinner plate, and a bread plate containing a single piece of bread, and you'd think that there couldn't possibly be room for the food; but they found a place anyway!

Most formal Victorian banquets were like an all-you-can-eat buffet except you sat down and the endless stream of up to nine courses were brought to you instead. Ample time was allowed between courses for conversation and digestive processes.

Once the meal was over, the servants brought water-filled finger bowls each containing a slice of lemon. The hostess signalled that it was time for the woman to leave the table by making strong eye contact with the woman seated to the host's right and then standing up. A servant or nearby gentleman opened the door to let the woman retire to the drawing room while the men either remained at the table for more conversation or withdrew to the library to enjoy a fine cigar and a glass of port.

Victorian society dictated that each invited guest, whether they actually attended or not, should call upon the hostess in person within a week after the event to pay their respects. Custom allowed that men who were too busy with business affairs could send their card via their wife or another female relative.

Yes, it all sounds like a bit too much work just to enjoy a good meal, but these were different times when pomp and circumstance still held a special meaning. Who knows? Perhaps we could use a little of that back in our lives today.

Victorian Dining And Dining Etiquette